How do you find time to date?
One of the biggest challenges to modern dating is a lack of time. It’s the reason we’ve started looking for love online and turned to apps to help us in the first place. We spend far more time on our phones, because they’ve become such an extension of our selves. When we’re juggling demanding schedules, working long hours, commuting, and trying to spend time with friends and family, it can be a struggle to find time to meet someone, let alone to spend that precious free time going on dates with people who are definitely Not The One. Starting over again when you feel like your time has been wasted is also Not The One. Claire, 34, walked us through what a week of dating life looks like for her.
Claire’s Diary
I spend all night lying awake, dreading the Monday morning alarm. I snack on breakfast on the bus while reading the movie recommendations I’ve been sent on Bumble. I thought it would be a good conversation starter, but mostly I’m just asked what I thought about Joker. Switching apps, I reply to a couple of guys who’d messaged me over the weekend, and suggest an after-work second date with Mo on Thursday night. My job is quite stressful, and I rarely leave the office on time. I try not to overbook myself, but it’s hard not to feel stretched when my spare time is always so limited. Tonight, I’m headed to a bar near my office to meet Joe, an accountant who works close by.
The date with Joe doesn’t exactly go as planned. His profile picture had been so photoshopped that I barely recognized him when he arrived, and things went downhill from there. I said barely two sentences during the date, and after giving me his life story, he left — to go to another date! — leaving me with the bill as I’d not finished my drink.
My Tuesday date plans get cancelled during my lunch hour, so I make some last minute arrangements to go to the cinema with a friend. I’ve cancelled on her the last couple of times we’ve been supposed to go out, so I buy the cinema tickets to make up for being a bad friend. It’s nice to catch up, and I tell her my dating woes over a couple of glasses of wine after the film. After last night’s terrible date, this was exactly what I needed. I don’t reschedule the cancelled date, partly because my week is full and partly because I wasn’t convinced it would be a good match anyway.
I’ve given myself Wednesday night off, and I’m grateful to go home after work, put on my pajamas and ignore the TV for a couple of hours while I thumb through Instagram, Hinge, and Bumble. There are a few dating apps I’ve given up on, because I wasn’t finding what I wanted, so I set up new accounts on a couple of apps I haven’t tried yet.
On Thursday, a last minute work emergency comes up at 4.30, so I’m firefighting in the hopes of getting out the door in time. I’m having a second date with Mo tonight, after we matched on Hinge and he made some excellent film recommendations. He’s picked the date venue, so I grab an Uber as soon as I can get out of the office, and hope my slight lateness will be forgiven. He’s chosen a late-night opening at a gallery, and we chat about films and art as we walk around the exhibitions. We have more in common than I thought, and I’m glad my lateness doesn’t seem to have put him off.
Friday is dinner night with my housemates, and drinks at our local bar. We have a good night, and I chat with a couple of people at the bar, but there are no sparks, and I don’t give my number to anyone.
A Saturday night date is something special. After work drinks are an easy out, because I have to get up the next day, so I have a ready made excuse if I don’t want to stay for a second drink. It’s usually also true that I don’t really have time to stay for a second drink, even if I want to. I try to keep Saturdays for dates I’m more certain about. It’s easier to book a dinner, or a fun event, and generally people have a bit more time on a Saturday night, so it’s more relaxed from the start. I might book Mo in for my Saturday slot next week.
I had a coffee meeting scheduled for Sunday morning, but on a sudden whim of positivity, I cancel it, and message Mo to see if he’s around instead.
Relationship AI is here to help. With the ability to sync your diary, as well as to compare all of your matches in one place (and the added bonus of weeding out guys like Joe — sorry Joe, you’re perfect for someone, just not Claire), RAI is changing how modern dating works, making your love life easier to manage, and helping you to find your way out of the jungle.
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Terri-Jane is a writer based in London.
Find her at www.terrijanedow.com